It's the Saddest Thing, Really
by Royal Amphitrite
Summary: Sebastian in doomed to live out his eternity as an unwilling servant-He's quite content with his predicament.


Hell, a name only used by humanity, was not hot.

It was not a scorching, burning, unfathomable heat.

This place, a jail for sinners who did not deserve to move on from their past, was not cold, either.

It, in fact, had no temperature. Imagine being numb; or floating in space. Imagine getting slammed into a rock after falling from a cliff and being stuck in between dying and falling.

You do not feel anything.

And it is the same as being in 'Hell'.

Although, you do not fall.

You are trapped inside of your own torture, a torture that no higher power is needed to complicate.

You are held in between the claws of your mind, and your mind alone.

And that, in itself, is the worst a soul who has only ever experienced humanity, can be subjected to.

Sebastian was not Sebastian. A failed demon who couldn't eat a simple meal.

Nor was he Malphas. A powerful archaic figure in the underworld, the devil's right-hand man, a leader.

He was a soul, a soul who had gotten lost in its new life and is now stuck there.

You will know him as Sebastian.

And that is the saddest thing anyone could ever hear.

* * *

The peculiar thing about demons are; there really isn't a status or kingdom.

Yes, there are different levels of power, and levels of control, but you never actually have to encounter the social scale until about every two-hundred-thousand years.

Demons, as humans call them, stick to themselves. They hate running into each other, and to outsiders, it can look like there is not any type of a half-made government holding the species together.

There is, though.

And Sebastian went from the top of this half-witted scale to the bottom.

* * *

The supernatural find humans so pathetic because they had to be one themselves.

The very existence of humans is necessary but unimportant at the same time. They are the starting point of real life to form, a life unknown to humanity because of its utter incapability to comprehend anything outside their realm.

If searching for an easier description, a comparison would suffice.

Imagine man as newborns, at most three-month-old babies. Now, compare the intelligence of a grown man to an infant, who is dependent, defenseless, powerless, and lacks basic comprehension.

Which seems more important to society?

Babies are needed to create man, they are amusing and endearing, but they are also a complete waste of time.

There is no need for many of them.

Now replace the baby with a human and the man with any type of supernatural being.

Humans are worthless.

* * *

Sebastian loved too to soak in his ocean of freedom as a demon.

From the deserts to Egypt to the deeps of the Atlantic, Sebastian had known no bounds as long as his stomach was satisfied. He's met religious figures, ancient kings, supposed Greek Gods. He even had a hand in starting the plague; although that had been a large epidemic that put everyone to blame, Reapers included.

So, you'd suppose he was entirely flabbergasted when he learned his freedom was stolen away because of a _sick_ human child.

A child who so selfishly disregarded their contract and locked him in a never-ending prison.

Sebastian was outsmarted by the circumstances revolving around a thirteen-year-old boy.

* * *

"I order you to kill them."

Sebastian no longer said, _'yes, my lord'_.

Because of the utter hopeless crawling up his chest, two-legged with digging claws, Sebastian decided to screw his Butler act and not give a flying decrement.

His personality, witty and dry to the point of verbal torture, was a slight surprise for the former Earl. As he hadn't seen the demon that open since he first offered a contract.

"And what if I don't want to? What if I've had a marvelous change of heart that has convinced me to spare these poor, pathetic souls that will eternally burn in Hell?"

Sebastian's eyes burned into the five men's as he melted into multiple forms, snapping and hissing and retching in all of them synonymously.

Ciel rolled his eyes and shifted his weight to his left leg. A hand on his hip. "We don't have time for your games, Sebastian. Hurry up and do as I say."

Except, Sebastian was not playing games. He was not having _fun_, He spoke with no conviction, a boredom and depression clouding every action he makes and Sebastian _didn't care_. What would happen if he did what he wanted? Sebastian wondered.

Sebastian no longer carried glee in his movements. He no longer felt the burning blood lust rumbling in the pit of his gut become satisfied as he sliced the neck of human flesh and watched them bleed out, watched them travel to whatever place their minds concocted.

Sebastian killed those five men with a lack of luster that hadn't been there before.

But only because it didn't matter.

* * *

There was this time, years ago, that Ciel had asked something of Sebastian genuinely. And this was the first and only time Ciel meant what he said.

"Do not let Elizabeth know I am alive; and do not let her know I am not Ciel."

It wasn't until years after that question, specifically after Ciel becoming a Demon that Sebastian decided to disregard this request and stop working on it.

Sebastian had failed him on both ends.

And he didn't give damn.

The demon, when asked by his fellow damned ones as to why he failed, simply stated that he underestimated Elizabeth Midford's intelligence. And that had been the truth, at one point.

When he first met the girl.

But the only one who knew this was Ciel.

And that made it all the more sweeter.

The boy had at first been furious, taking out his frustrations on Sebastian and worthless strangers who dared to cross his path. But after a week or two Ciel had emptied, and Sebastian watched as an emotion settled inside of the boy that he had never seen in his total millennia.

Sebastian had a distinct memory; Ciel had been sitting in a hotel room, rereading his letter from Elizabeth hundreds of times over. He was filthy and something akin to sad and he had been drowning in his self-hatred.

The letter was nothing special, from what Sebastian had read. Elizabeth stated that she now realized she had been lied to more than once. And felt she understood why she could never earn Ciel's love. She ended the letter with _'I wish you were dead instead of Ciel'_.

It was so disgustingly human.

Sebastian remembered leaning against the door frame, the side of his face smashed against the wall, his hair scrubby looking and his clothes sagging as he stared at the boy in boredom, mind empty and heart solid.

He remembered stiffening when the boy dragged his head up to look him in the eyes, sockets sunken in and lips chapped.

"It was never about you."

Ciel spoke. Sebastian noted his voice was raspy and cracking, a little more than necessary for a boy who is only going through puberty.

"I didn't lose my soul solely to _spite _you, Sebastian. I never thought about the butler who I made a contract with to sell my soul."

Sebastian rolled his head to stare at Ciel's shaking hands, his trembling legs.

If the demon had been in a better mood, he would tease the boy. Say, '_You are quite pathetic. You've fallen very far from the title of an Earl. Is this what you expected? Do you enjoy it?_'

"I'm sure there have been hundreds of other souls that have ruined your life more than I."

Sebastian laughed at that, fangs hanging out of his mouth as he sagged lower against the wall. "What a wonderful guess, child. Yes, compared to some other humans I've come across in my life you are most definitely not the one to do the _most _damage to my self-esteem. The only thing different about this incident is I will not have to worry about my pride as a demon as I will cease to exist in about one-hundred thousand years due to starvation."

Ciel opened his mouth but Sebastian cut him off. "But do not fret _master_," he served the word drenched in mockery, "there is no ill will. I was getting tired of this life anyway."

What Ciel got from this was, '_there are no hard feelings and I don't actually care anymore I'm just bored_.'

Then if that's the case, why was Sebastian constantly tormenting him? Why was he bending his way around every order he made, why had he been making snarky comments every other second, why is he being so sickeningly evil so suddenly?

"Then I'm simply curious, why are you out to make my life a living Hell?"

Sebastian sighed, finding Ciel utterly sad.

"Dear child, did you forget?" Sebastian smiled menacingly.

"Did you forget what I am?"

"A creature of sin, Ciel…"

"_You must have forgotten I am a __**Demon**__._"

* * *

It had been half of the truth, technically.

Sebastian was still slightly angry he was trapped with a demon child, time passes slow and it would be another forty-thousand-years before he would be to converse with anything other than a human.

He was growing weaker and there was no way to stop it unless he fed. He is trapped inside a contract that leaves him an unpaid servant.

Although, he understood he did not deserve any better than this.

* * *

"You know, I never took you as the one to be a cat, of all things."

Training Ciel to be a proficient Demon was one of the orders the child first gave him when he turned.

And it started with teaching Ciel how to access his physical form.

Earth's animals were the easiest to turn into and were and have always been the post card for Demon transformations since the beginning of time.

Sebastian himself was a raven, and he wondered if Ciel being a cat is what drew him to the boy in the first place.

"I mean, I suppose I could see it. You are insufferably arrogant, you are quite unempathetic, and you signify the worst of humanity. You also like to touch yourself in places with your tongue…"

Sebastian dodged a wave of killing intent.

"Now, when harnessing your energy, you must think of your strongest emotions. Being a Demon has taken emotions like compassion, empathy, or anything that includes heart away from you. So, think of things that make you happy, things that cause pain, jealousy, arrogance. Feel it and power it through every end of your body."

Ciel stared at him. His cat ears twitching and his claws stretching.

He changed back and spoke, "But I'm empty."

* * *

Sebastian, of course, didn't hate Ciel.

He was bitter, yes, but Sebastian found that hate was not the right word to describe his feelings for the boy.

Sebastian did not care for the child. He did not have a change of heart; he did not love him.

He could care less, honestly.

It was very close to hate; it was close to a type of loathing that could only be described through actions. And Sebastian's actions did not describe that,

There was only one thing that kept their relationship from becoming any darker than it already was.

One; Sebastian did not regret offering a contract, meeting Ciel. In truth, Sebastian at the time had been going into a dark space, he didn't lie when he said he was tired of this life, whether it was on a time limit or not. His time with Ciel had been the most interesting thing to happen in his life since the British came over to the Americas. Maybe if he was younger, more alive, Sebastian would be more angry, more fighting. There had to be a way out of this contract, he knows Lucifer would give him a pass…

But he didn't want it.

Sebastian was ready to leave, he was ready to get it over with. He was only agitated because of circumstance, but isn't this what he wanted? A way out of this never-ending life?

Sebastian did not hate Ciel because he was thankful.

Ciel was the door to his freedom.

* * *

Sebastian had been in love once.

It was a long, _long _time ago, but it happened.

There was this lovely woman. With skin as dark as the bark of evergreen trees and hair as soft as cotton. She had the prettiest, sparkling brown eyes and the plumpest lips and a spirit as calm and temperamental as a lake.

She was mute, her voice had been destroyed by a wild bear, damaging her vocal cords beyond what could have been repaired in that time.

She had been offered by her own mother as his meal, he accepted. She was mute and cursed by voodoo witches of her family. She did not fear him, she never did.

Sebastian had fallen in love with her, it wasn't strong, but it was deep and it made him feel things he had never felt again.

He made love to her.

And then he ate her.

* * *

"I'm not sorry."

"I don't need you to be."

* * *

If Ciel had been a different person, maybe if he hadn't turned as evil as he did, he would have set Sebastian free.

He would have let the Demon go on his way; he would've let it go.

But Ciel was not Ciel, and he was not who he used to be either.

And so, he promised Sebastian an utterly tortuous last one-hundred-thousand years.

This story, the story of Ciel Phantomhive, had two different tales attached to it.

One was a birth.

One was a death.

The birth of Ciel, a demon who would become an infamous individual known for his cause of the reorientation of demon society.

And the death of Malphas. An old soul who has the saddest story. A soul who is ready for his rebirth.

Malphas would die in hunger, his body would wither away while Ciel thrived and took his place. Surpassed his place.

The tale of Sebastian Michaelis is the beginning of the Death of Malphas and that-

That is the saddest thing, really.

* * *

**….**

**I…did you like it?**

**It had some content from the anime and the manga, so I apologize if I confused you.**

**Let's confess, this was not put together in the way it could've been, but I really love Sebastian and I wanted to explore his feelings towards him being forever a servant. If you've read the Manga, you should know he's very playful and mocking so I wanted to go deeper into that. Although I didn't get as far with it as I wanted to due to the main goal, hence the training scene. I remember watching the anime and crying because just thinking about my freedom being taken away from someone like Ciel seems real screwed up. And it's forever? _Maiiiinnnneeee_…someone can shove that idea up their arse.**

**So, about the whole emotions' things. I think in this universe, demons still have feelings, they're just not feelings explainable in human terms. And I searched how long humans have been here, and its only about 200,000 years so the whole '_Sebastian or any other supernatural being older than that_' doesn't exactly make sense but I could honestly care less.**

**Well, cheers to my first Kuroshitsuji fic, it was a failure!**

**Thanks for reading, review or not, share your love, share your uncensored criticism, either or, I promise I'll try not to have the resolve of a six-year-old kid.**

**Love, _R.A._**


End file.
